Fearless!

I've been thinking a lot lately on what exactly I wanted to write about next. I've had a lot of kid adventures, but I really couldn't think of any lessons per say that I have learned. Then tonight as I was sitting in my room thinking about how I am babysitting tomorrow it hit me. Letting go, not being afraid, and trusting...I guess it's not so much a lesson that I've learned its more of something that I've observed.

I have a really hard time just being me. I apologize a lot and I'm always afraid that I am annoying or bothering people. I try really hard to impress other people and I tend to be really quiet in social situations. I love to dance, but when I get in a social situation I physically can't do it...my heart starts racing and I get so nervous.

Kids are just themselves no matter where they are and who they are with. No hidden people. They never try to hide anything. They are just themselves.They are pretty fearless! I learned that when I was babysitting and when I was at my choir rehearsal. The kids weren't afraid to sing or dance or run around and scream and they trusted me or the other adults to lead them in the right direction. They didn't think about whether they were annoying or bothering me. They didn't consider whether they were being too loud or anything. They were just themselves.

I really wish that I could do this. Not that extreme I suppose because I'm not a kid, but I really wish that I could just let go of all my fears and be me. Trust people and hope they lead me in the right direction. Not have reservations about doing things because it might bother someone. Even writing this I feel saddened by the fact that right now I can't do this. I truly hope that I can at some point. That one day I will be able to open up and let the world see who I really am. Not be afraid of talking to people or dancing in public. Just be myself.

Other happenings here are that I finally finished my summer classes which means I'll be babysitting more regularly. My children's choir also preforms this week and I am so nervous and excited for them. I hope that I can take some pictures and post them soon. Well...I leave you with all those thoughts and feelings. I guess that writing them down and admitting to my fears is the first step...let's see how many more steps I can take this summer.

-Shannon