"Dreams are just dreams when they're stuck inside your head."

Dreams. When I was a little girl I used to have really scary nightmares and my parents would come in and talk to me or sing to me until I fell back asleep. I always remembered these dreams. For days I would be scared of things because I remembered that dream. However, I never remembered my good dreams. When I was younger, I used to tell people that I didn’t have dreams. They used to all be amazed that I didn’t have dreams. Just for clarification, I wasn’t lying to them because I classified dreams and nightmares in two different categories as a child. As I grew up, I began to start remembering my dreams. The good and the bad. Recently I have been dreaming a lot. I have been playing situations in my head and giving them different scenarios. I think that I do this because it helps me to face the unknown. It helps me for when I come to a scenario I feel like I will be more prepared even if it doesn’t turn out like my dream did.

Tears. When I was younger and when most people are younger they cry over many different things. A scraped knee, a broken toy, a parent going to the grocery store. I remember that I used to cry a lot as a child. I was always the type of kid that wasn’t afraid to cry. I wasn’t afraid to let people really know how I was feeling. I really believe that most children are this way. As I grew up, however, I became more guarded. I still cried because it was a reaction, but it wasn’t nearly as much and when I did I would/ will never tell people why. I used to pretend it was allergies (word to the wise…most people don’t believe this). I feel as many people do sometimes that I need a “good cry”. Recently I haven’t been able to cry. I haven’t been able to externally express how I’m feeling inwardly. I envy children and the time when I was a child and that they can do this.

Trust. Children trust everyone. As the child I babysit screams at me that he doesn’t want me to talk to him he holds tight to my shoulder as he cries. As the little girls in my children’s choir sing on that stage and tell me they are so confident, the look to where I am standing to watch me for the moves. Children trust unknowingly. What children do is an impulse, a gut reaction. What most adults do (me included) is calculated, planned, and methodical. I’ve learned within the past day that sometimes it may be good to get out of your comfort zone and trust because just keeping to yourself may hurt you more.

Religion. I’ve been thinking a lot about religion lately. About how as children we believe what we are taught to believe, but as we grow up we are expected to make the choice on our own. I’ve struggled a lot with religion in the past and in the present and I’m sure I will in the future. I’ve questioned what I’ve been taught and I’ve struggled to figure out whose opinion and ideas are right. I’ve worried that I’m not worthy or not good enough for God. I’ve thought and I’ve decided things and made religious choices for myself. Overall though, I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and I’ve been challenged and won.

Wrap-up. So this isn’t your typical blog post. I am well aware of that. This also doesn’t exactly talk about my recent kid experiences and I’m aware of that too. I plan on posting another blog within the next day to detail them. I felt, however, that these things and these thoughts were important to share. I felt that for some reason I needed to write them. They may not be direct lessons that I’ve learned from the children I’ve been working with, but they are lessons from my childhood and they are important. I have a lot of thoughts swimming in my head right now and at times I really think that it’s easier to just ignore them. That’s why I wrote this, because I’ve realized that what’s easier isn’t always what’s better. So, look for a more conventional blog post tomorrow, but for tonight this is what I wanted to say.

-Shannon

Fearless!

I've been thinking a lot lately on what exactly I wanted to write about next. I've had a lot of kid adventures, but I really couldn't think of any lessons per say that I have learned. Then tonight as I was sitting in my room thinking about how I am babysitting tomorrow it hit me. Letting go, not being afraid, and trusting...I guess it's not so much a lesson that I've learned its more of something that I've observed.

I have a really hard time just being me. I apologize a lot and I'm always afraid that I am annoying or bothering people. I try really hard to impress other people and I tend to be really quiet in social situations. I love to dance, but when I get in a social situation I physically can't do it...my heart starts racing and I get so nervous.

Kids are just themselves no matter where they are and who they are with. No hidden people. They never try to hide anything. They are just themselves.They are pretty fearless! I learned that when I was babysitting and when I was at my choir rehearsal. The kids weren't afraid to sing or dance or run around and scream and they trusted me or the other adults to lead them in the right direction. They didn't think about whether they were annoying or bothering me. They didn't consider whether they were being too loud or anything. They were just themselves.

I really wish that I could do this. Not that extreme I suppose because I'm not a kid, but I really wish that I could just let go of all my fears and be me. Trust people and hope they lead me in the right direction. Not have reservations about doing things because it might bother someone. Even writing this I feel saddened by the fact that right now I can't do this. I truly hope that I can at some point. That one day I will be able to open up and let the world see who I really am. Not be afraid of talking to people or dancing in public. Just be myself.

Other happenings here are that I finally finished my summer classes which means I'll be babysitting more regularly. My children's choir also preforms this week and I am so nervous and excited for them. I hope that I can take some pictures and post them soon. Well...I leave you with all those thoughts and feelings. I guess that writing them down and admitting to my fears is the first step...let's see how many more steps I can take this summer.

-Shannon

Classes, babysitting, and thoughts...

I don’t really know that I have a purpose to posting a blog today. I guess I’ve just been thinking a lot this week and I wanted to post again. This week has been really exhausting and kind of stressful. I’m still taking summer course (only 1 week left) and I officially started my babysitting/mother’s helper job. Both of these activities are going fine. I suppose I’m just not used to the hectic and rather early schedule. I just want to go to the beach and soak up the sun.

Anyway I babysat again today and instead of just watching one 4 year old I had to watch two. We went to the playground, Imagination Kingdom, which was so much fun. The kids ran around and played on the see-saw, the swings, and climbed on the rocks. They had so much energy and I got tired just watching them. After that we went back to their house to play and eat lunch. After playing in the dirt we cleaned up and ate some pizza. 3 hours later I was getting kind of tired and so were the boys. I finally got them to decide to watch a movie and we decided to watch Wall-E. That is such a good movie, but I don’t understand why kids like it. It has very little talking and I even found myself getting distracted. They kept asking me questions about the movie though so I had to force myself to focus. About halfway through the movie my plans of keeping them calm by watching a movie were foiled when the power went out. Luckily my best friend (their cousin) was there to help me keep them occupied. We were put in jail and held prisoner. Eventually they let us out of jail and the power came back on.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my emotions. I have the curse of somewhat wearing my emotions on my sleeve. It is very easy to see on my face how I am feeling. This can be a real curse sometimes because I always feel like a whiner or a complainer because I’m upset. I frustrate people though because I can be obviously upset and I don’t open up to tell people what’s wrong. I don’t want to come off as annoying and something always stops me. I can never fully trust people with my heart and with my emotions. I always want to tell people and confide in people completely, but something always stops me and it’s something that I can’t get rid of.

I’m not really sure how that relates to kids or my day or how things tie together, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. I suppose, however, that if any connection can be drawn it’s that children can trust people easily and wear their emotions fully on their sleeve. I wish that I could do that. I wish that I could trust people and open up to people more than I do. I wish that I didn’t feel the need to apologize so much for seeming annoying. I guess that’s where I’m stuck right now. Just thinking about a lot of things and going about my normal day activities. I’m sure that all this thinking will pay off soon…it has to result in something at some point. All this week holds is a few more classes, time with friends, and more babysitting.

~Shannon

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid!

I started my Children’s Choir yesterday and it was an awesome experience. I am so excited to spend the rest of my summer with these awesome kids and be singing about God! I had everything planned out. I was going to teach them one song that had some great dance moves and I figured that would take the entire 45 minutes. I had two other “back-up” songs just in case, but I didn’t really prepare myself to teach them. Well…it took the kids all of 20 minutes to learn all 3 songs…I completely underestimated their learning ability. So after going through each song a few more times (more like 10 each) and singing Jesus Loves Me 4 or 5 times just for fun, we decided to play Simon Says and have the kid’s guess our ages. (They guessed that I was 100…I suppose I look a lot older than I thought).

As we were spending time with these wonderful little girls keeping them occupied and getting to know them, I realized something. These kids knew exactly who they were and weren’t afraid or ashamed of that. They said whatever they wanted to say whenever they wanted to say it (even if it was telling me about their flip flop during a song) and it seemed as if they never even thought about whether or not they were “fitting in”.

The sad part was that I was completely envious of these little kids. I don’t have the ability to say whatever I want to say or not care what other people think of me. I am always thinking about what others think of me or of what they will think about what I am about to say. I am always so cautious about who I am in front of different people. I change who I am based on the people I’m with and I have been doing this for years. I hide how I really feel or would really act in certain situations in order to “fit in”. I wish that I could be like those kids and not worry about whether I am “fitting in” or saying the right things.
So I’m going to work on not worrying about that so much this summer. I know that this isn’t going to be an overnight thing, however, I really wish it was. I want to change the way I feel right now and I am way too impatient to wait. I’m hoping that this summer I can think about this a lot more and try to not change myself so much for the people around me.

Well I think that is all I have to say for now. I’m babysitting again on Wednesday so it looks like more Dora the Explorer and playing with Hess truck for me. I think I need to practice my truck noise before then. I also think that I need to pick a few more maybe longer and more difficult songs before Sunday too!

~Shannon

Beginning

So I've decided to write a blog (obviously) and I've decided that I should introduce the purpose before I begin the actually writing.
I've never written a blog before nor have I ever even wanted to write a blog. However, I came across an awesome blog written by the Hannah's and saw all the cool lessons they were learning and decided to give it a try. So...with their blessing here it is my very own blog.
The next thing I think that I should explain is the reason for the the title and topic of the blog. The reason that it's titled "How To Be A Kid" is because learning from kids and essentially How To Be A Kid is what I'm going to be doing this summer. I'm running a children's choir at my church and hopefully babysitting for a really awesome 4 year old and a really awesome 9 year old. I know that kids have a lot of wisdom to give and I'm excited for the chance to learn. I'll also be talking about other things that I do this summer and other adventures I have, but you'll hear that as you read.
So enjoy my blog and thanks for reading it. I'm excited for the lessons I get to learn, the experiences I get to have, and the memories I get to make this summer.

~Shannon